I had a really depressed moment yesterday when I acknowledged that August marked the one year point of me being unemployed. Never had I imagined back when I decided to make the move that I’d have this much difficulty finding a job…a few months, maybe, but a whole year? I mean, yes, there’s also the other voice in my head saying “well you wanted a break, so you got a really nice one…now stop being ungrateful.” And it’s true–I had a friend who took a good amount of time after grad school till she decided to re-enter the workforce, and I remember being sooooo jealous and wished for that, too. So that wish came true, and here I am complaining about it, haha. But the truth is less in the unemployment aspect, but in both the bruised ego of being rejected from the 126 jobs I’ve applied for (yes, I’ve kept count), and coming to value the importance of good health insurance. I mean, it was my fault to buy the cheapest one available, but when you think it’s only going to last a couple of months, it makes sense at the time.
In our relationship, I’m the more outwardly optimistic one, while Cook tends to express her pessimism much more, whether or not she is truly a pessimist. So I find it’s not a bad thing for me to cry once in a while cuz it reminds Cook she needs to step into the role of “optimistic one” once in a while, too. She reminded me that while the job thing didn’t work out as planned, nor is our home sale going as smoothly as planned, WE worked out (not literally of course, we are so out of shape). But yes, as cheesy as it sounds and well, is, I did come to admit it was the most important thing. I gave up a good job, a nice house, good weather, and being near my parents to come here to this weird state with gross weather, gross bugs, bad drivers, and squirrels eating cars. Had our relationship also not worked out, it would have all been for naught. Sometimes I forget that we were facing the grand challenge of not just being in the same geographical area finally, but of learning to live together while we both were experiencing some of the biggest changes of our lives. I think in my mind I had been so sure that our relationship would work out, that I’d genuinely forgotten the possibility that it could have also all just gone horribly wrong.
It’s easy to take for granted the things that do work out and focus on the ones that didn’t. It’s one of those endless life lessons that you know and get, and yet you simultaneously don’t know and don’t get. And that’s why it’s important to have people–be it a partner, a sibling, or a best friend–to be there to remind you of the good things, and help give you hope when your own vision gets cloudy. So yes, I’m still going to need to find a job, sell our house, and better adjust to the new environment, but having my people creates the foundation for all those things. So today I’m choosing to be grateful instead of sad, to celebrate the time I’ve been able to be with my girlfriend this past year, and to thank all my friends and family who have been nothing but supportive while I cried and complained and reminded me to laugh.
Squirrels Ate The Car! 